Before-and-after examples
When we edit into plainer English there are bound to be some gains and losses in meaning exact equivalence is almost impossible to achieve. The trick is to get as near as possible to the original meaning, and we often find we can bring out the meaning more clearly by using different words and reorganizing the information.
If you’ve an example of a ‘before plain English’ and ‘after plain English’ sentence or document, do send it to us and say where it came from. We may be able to add it to this page or use it in Pikestaff, our newsletter.
Plain English or bussed
A bus-driver in Derbyshire took matters into his own hands when confronted by a bemusing company manual. Here are 2 of the 183 rules he transformed:
Before Ensure the potential impact of non-routine factors and problems and other services are assessed and details notified promptly to an appropriate person.
After Inform the depot if you are stuck in traffic or involved in an accident.
Before Ensure machinery for issuing and endorsing tickets is confirmed as in working order and is set in accordance with approved procedure.
After Check the ticket machine is showing the correct date and price.
Clear as a fire bell
Before In our endeavour to ensure guest safety at all times, can visitors please note that fire bell testing is carried out every Monday at 9.30am.
After We test the fire bell every Monday at 9.30am.
Reclaiming the language
Before Reclamation of the site will involve the identification and remediation of any pollution and contamination which may be present on the site together with the removal or treatment of hazardous features such as unstable ground and mineshafts etc.
After In reclaiming the site, we will:
- identify and clean up any pollution and contamination; and
- make safe or remove hazards such as unstable ground and mineshafts.
Efficiency savings from plain talk
Before The department is required to make savings of £13m next year and this objective will be achieved by efficiency savings. An evaluation of cash collection methods and procedures and identification of potential savings in this area have been conducted by senior management and determined to be part of this overall process.
After We must save £13m next year and will do so by improving efficiency. Senior managers have studied our cash-collection methods and found them to be a possible source of savings.
Determination needed
Before The adjudicators may as a result of their enquiries reach a preliminary determination on a complaint and if they do so, after informing the complainant and member company, shall give them an opportunity to make further comments to them on the facts stated; and the adjudicators shall consider any such representations made to them and may either confirm their preliminary determination as their determination on the complaint unchanged or modified as appropriate, or they may decide not to confirm their preliminary determination and to continue their investigation.
After The adjudicators will make enquiries and may reach a preliminary conclusion on a complaint. If so, they will inform the complainant and the member company and give them an opportunity to make further comments to the adjudicators on the facts stated. The adjudicators must consider these comments. They may then:
- confirm their preliminary conclusion as their final decision or modify it; or
- decide not to confirm it and continue investigating.
So many words, so little time
Before The physical condition of a property is a fundamental determinant of its quality.
After The quality of a property depends mainly on its condition.
Teeming with text
Before The team’s function is to perform problem definition and resolution.
After The team define and resolve problems.